By Anne (amytych@yahoo.com)

November 13, 2004 -- The Foreigner -- Gallery

I am giddy, giddy, giddy, I tell you. Giddy with glee! The play! Lee! Hanging with Lee! I am positively giddy. And somehow quite exhausted from lack of sleep. Here is a summary of the events of Saturday night, when we saw Lee in "The Foreigner."

Once the summary gets to the events at O’Lunny’s, I cannot guarantee any sort of order. It’s all random stuff that I remembered to write down. I actually started taking notes WHILE Lee was in the room this time. That was a first. At one point, he asked me what I was writing. “Notes,” I said. “For what?” “So I’ll remember things, you know, to write in my journal,” I said. He nodded as if that made perfect sense. *g*

So we start with primping at the hotel. We all had to look our best, you know. And we totally did. Six hot chicks out for a night on the town. D., Rami, Laura, Aly and I left our crowded hotel room around 6:25 p.m. and headed to the theater. We grabbed a quick bite to eat at a corner deli and then walked to theater. When we got there, Mav told us we had just missed seeing Lee arrive at the theater. Darn it. Ah well, better things were to come. *g*

We had a little fan gathering right there outside the theater and I got to meet Diane (FanFromFla) and CatHeights for the first time. Was also excited to see Mav, Rowan, L. and Nerodi again. Yay for reunions!

We all headed inside to read our programs and were stunned to see Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft arrive. Anne looked stunning! She’s one of my favorite actors. During intermission, we saw them walk to the backstage area.

Lee didn’t make his entrance onstage until about 30 minutes into the play, I think. He played Owen Musser, the county property inspector, and was quickly identified as conniving redneck. Lee wore torn jeans and a t-shirt. The flannel shirt over the T-shirt had the arms ripped out. He was wearing the long goatee.

He came in to the boarding house to talk to David, a young man who was engaged to Catherine, who lived there. Owen and David were scheming to lower the property value of the boarding house, so they could buy it cheap and turn it into headquarters for the KKK. David’s role is written to surprise everyone. At first he comes across as this really nice, preacher guy who just wants to help everyone.

Lee’s southern accent was pretty good, although I’ve heard better. *gasp* But he more than made up for with his enthusiasm. At the end of the scene, just before he leaves the stage, Lee made this really funny gesture with his hands and stuck his humongously long tongue out of his mouth. I wasn’t expecting it and it made me squeal with delight. I had a flashback to the prison riot on "Oz." It was the same exact gesture!

He didn’t return on stage until Act 2. He came in with supplies that he’d stolen from a fire. One of the items was dynamite and Lee said, “Oh, I do like dynamite,” with a maniacal gleam in his eyes. He talked with David about their plan to take control of the boarding house. He got all riled up because David wanted to do it slowly with careful planning. Owen/Lee said, “I think we oughta jest take this place. Jest take it!” As he said the line, he pumped his arms back and forth and got really aggressive. Having read the play, I just wasn't expecting that line to be so enthusiastic, but Lee surprised me once again. 

Later in the act, Owen returns and finds only Charlie -- who is “The Foreigner” -- in the house. Charlie is pretending he doesn’t speak English because he’s afraid to talk to people, but Catherine’s brother, Ellard, has taken a shine to Charlie and has been “teaching” him English. When Owen sees Charlie, he doesn’t know that and calls him a dummy. Then he starts revealing the plan to turn the boarding house into a KKK headquarters, not realizing that Charlie understands him.

Charlie surprises him by asking, “Are you happy?” Owen is startled, but then realizes Charlie only knows a few words, so he dismisses him. Charlie starts talking in what sounds like nonsense and says things like “bees come down” and “I see through your bones.” This starts to freak Owen out and by the time the others come in, he’s nearly hysterical. He tries to tell them what Charlie said and they try to calm him down and assure him that he misunderstood Charlie. Lee does a great job conveying Owen’s panic. Then Charlie makes a fool of him when he says, “Please calm down.” There’s lots of funny moments in this scene and Lee plays them for all they’re worth.

There is also a funny part where Charlie insists on teaching everyone his native language, which he makes up. Owen wants no part of this lesson, but David insists. When Owen repeats the word for “no,” Charlie giggles and claims Owen said it like a girl. The expressions of annoyance, embarrassment and rage on Lee’s face were absolutely priceless. Owen gets fed up with Charlie’s mocking and David’s plan and threatens to get his Klan brothers and storms out of the house.

The last scene has Klan members storming the house in white sheets, with Owen leading the pack. They threaten Charlie because he’s a foreigner. He makes them believe he is an alien and scares them all away. Owen runs off screaming like a girl. Everyone was laughing hysterically. I don’t think I’ve had as much fun watching a play before.

When they came out for the curtain call, the peeps amped it up for Lee. I think he knew where we were sitting. *g*

~*~*~

When we got outside, it didn’t take long for Lee to come bounding up the stairs. He saw where we were standing and headed over. I was lucky enough to get the first hug and it was a really nice long one. I had missed him so much. He went around greeting everyone. I introduced him to Nerodi who was rather stunned at how warm and affectionate he was with us. She was also surprised that he remembered all of our names. *g* “I’m so impressed,” she kept saying, as we all walked toward O’Lunney’s restaurant. I love it when Lee elicits that kind of reaction. It brings me joy. It seriously does.

When we arrived, Nerodi said she had to go, but Lee protested and asked her to stay. Alas, she had to head home to feed her babies, but I was so glad she got to come and meet Lee.

When we got to O'Lunney's, we headed upstairs to the private room (thanks to Nic) and settled in at our table. Lee came up a few minutes later, and the fun and frolic began. I have no recollection of what happened when, so I’ll just summarize some of the highlights.

When we arrived, another party was just wrapping up. One of the guys recognized Lee and came over to ask if he was that guy on "Oz." Lee said no (of course!) and pulled this guy’s chain for a bit. They guy told us it was a bachelor party and Lee said, “I’m not going to strip for you!” much to the guy’s bewilderment. Nic asked if Lee would strip for us. She had $50s. No, he said, I don’t have change.

At some point, there was a very long and very funny argument about whether a tomato was a fruit or a vegetable. Lee was very adamant that it was a fruit *and* a vegetable. L. was certain it was a fruit only. She used one of her lifelines and called her brother to look it up on the Internet. He found out that horticulturally, the tomato was a vegetable, but that botanically speaking, it was a fruit. L. was not happy to report this to Lee, who gloated about his victory. He did not let her forget this for the rest of the night.

There was another funny exchange between Lee and Rami about a a certain lime-throwing incident that occurred on a previous visit with Lee. Someone [Nic?] took the lemon in Rami’s drink away from her. Then, the waitress arrived with a plate of lemons for Nic, who had only asked for one. Lee groaned dramatically, exclaiming, “I’m surrounded by fruit!”

At one point, Mav brought out some pictures for Lee to sign for his faraway fans. As she presented each one, he jokingly remarked on how good he looked in the pictures, which totally cracked me up. When he got to this one, he said that it was the best one of him and started talking to it, saying, “I can’t wait to get home to do to you what I did to myself this morning.” Then he lifted his shirt and twisted his nipple. Yes, you read that correctly. It was very quick and few of the peeps missed it. I was lucky enough to be right across the table from him and I’m surprised my mouth didn’t fall open.

Diane asked him to pose for a picture with a cigar (because LJ user=Tex had made a request) and he happily obliged. It soon devolved into jokes with Lee using the cigar as a phallic object and all of us collapsing into the hysterical laughter. I can remember little of what was said, except I do remember Lee saying, “I love my long, hard cigar,” as he was holding it up to his crotch.

More dirty jokes followed, as Lee asked us, “What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?” Answer: “Nobody eats parsley.” More laughter. Rami missed the joke and he looked at her disappointed. “You were my audience for that joke.”

Then he went into some really wacky monologue about using his goatee as a scrub brush to clean pots and pans that I was laughing too hard to remember it very well. (Thanks to Laura for this summary --) He was stroking his beard when he was sitting between us and he was saying how he didn't like it and going on about how it's great when he needs to scrubs pots, though. And he said that it gets stinky, and I told him he should shampoo it when he's washing his hair. And he said, "That's a good idea. Hey, maybe you can help me with my ass, (and this isn't exact wording now) too because it's really gross, but I just can't bring myself to clean it." And I said something like, "Well, I can understand how it could be intimidating. It is very impressive." And he starts off down his dirty ass road. Bidets were mentioned but that's about all I got.

~*~*~

Sometime while he was still sitting across from me, Lee asked how long it had been since we’d seen each other. The previous August, I told him. “This August?” he asked. No, I said, the one before that. “That’s too long,” he said. It was nice to know that he missed me. *g*

At one point, he got up and walked around the table. He had one hand on my chair and one on L’s chair and had his legs spread out so that he was low enough to talk to us. I said that he looked uncomfortable. “How do you know what makes me uncomfortable?” he asked snarkily.

I suggested that he could sit on my lap if he wanted. I still don’t believe I said that. He took me up on it and I was in heaven. *g* As soon as he sat down and put his arm around me, everyone took out their cameras and started snapping pictures.

While he sat there, I had my arm around his back and one across his stomach. I was rubbing his back and sort of snuggling into him, which was very nice. At some point, I moved my hand from his stomach and it somehow landed on his thigh (!) and I honestly don’t remember putting it there. When I realized it was there, I didn’t move it, of course. *eg* He was bracing his arm on the chair behind me because he was afraid of putting his weight on me.

Later, he leaned forward on the table to talk to Mav, Diane, Rowan and L., which gave me the opportunity to continue rubbing his back and to touch his curls. He didn’t so much as turn around when I did it, as if it happened all the time. Heh. I also leaned forward to see if I could catch his scent. I did and it was good. *g*

I remember Aly and Lee doing a little snarking, but I had forgotten what about. She reminded me that it started after I told Lee that I drove up with Aly and that she did all the driving. Aly said, “He said I seem like someone who drives erratically. I said something like, hey, you don't even know me! And then he said something else mean and nasty, so I said we should take it outside and throw down. I think I put up my hands in (extremely wimpy girly) fist fighting motions.” She totally won him over. *g* For the rest of the night, he kept calling Aly my chauffer because I told him she drove us here. At one point, they were snarking at each other about something and he snapped something about, “I don’t care *who* you chauffered!” He’s a complete nut.

At one point, Aly (who was sitting next to me), got up to use the bathroom and Lee slid off my lap and into her seat. This gave me an opportunity to talk to him some more. I told him that this was the first time I’d ever come to see him and *wasn’t* nervous. He said, “You know what that means? It means that you’re getting tired of me. The excitement is gone.” And then he pouted. *g* I hate it when he’s self-deprecating. It’s so cute. I assured him that was completely untrue.

While we talked, I had my hand on the back of his chair and sometimes he would lean back and brush against it. Even though he just had a T-shirt on, he was very warm. My hands were really cold at this point. I commented that he was very warm. He looked at me with a grin and said, “I’m hot.” I had to agree.

He snuck off for a bit and paid for the entire bill without our knowing. When he came back to sit, I saw the credit card in his hand. I said, “You didn’t just pay for all of this.” He just grinned sheepishly. I told him he was a doll and then I put my hands on his face and kissed him. It was completely instinctual and I’m still stunned that I did it.

Diane had to leave as her hubby was waiting downstairs. Lee went with her so he could meet him. When Lee got back upstairs, he announced in a shocked voice that Diane and her husband swing and had invited him to go home with them. More hysterical laughter. The man can just pull shit out of the air and make if funny.

There was also this completely filthy conversation between Lee and Rami that centered around a gesture Lee made with his pointer and his pinkie fingers. 

Laura told Lee that she had given up an opportunity to go to a football game at her alma mater, Auburn. Lee remarked that he’d really have to something really impressive to make up for it. So he picked up his water bottle and deep-throated it. It was so quick that a few people didn’t catch it. He joked that he’d totally Madonna’ed the bottle. “She’s my diva,” he explained when we looked confused.

Sometime after midnight, Lee said he had to leave and gathered up things. He gave a really long speech about how quiet and boring he was and apologized for not being in a better mood. LOL! The man is too darn funny. I’m not sure what prompted it, but he also said, “Let’s everyone get naked!” And he lifted his shirt again. The man has not one ounce of modesty, I swear.

Soon after, Lee posed for a pic with L. and Rowan. Nic snapped it, but took it before Lee had bent down to their level, so she just got his crotch in the shot. He looked at it and said, “It looks like I have a vagina!” Which caused another fit of giggles from us. So Nic offered to take another shot and Lee turned sideways to show off his dick. When he saw the results, he exclaimed, “That’s more like it!” I laughed so hard, I tipped my chair over and hit the floor. Quite literally. Lee was there instantaneously to see if I was all right. I was laughing already. He helped me up and then we were all laughing hysterically. Lee was laughing so hard, he doubled over. Then he made all these jokes about the power of his penis. He told Nic not to send me that picture because I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Then he said, “Don’t send it to me, either, or I’ll be killed by my own penis!”

He was putting on his coat, then and I went up to him for one more hug and kiss goodbye, even though I’d one already. Some of the peeps started laughing and joking about the power of his penis. He stepped back and started making thrusting motions at me and babbling on about the power of his penis. I think the walls were shaking with the laughter of the peeps. He left soon after and we all went out chatting and laughing about the evening. Needless to say, we didn’t get that much sleep that night.

~*~*~ 

Oh, one more thing! Lee quit smoking! I noticed that he didn’t go out with the smokers the first time. When he failed to go out the second time, I had to ask. And he told me he quit! That made me happy.  

~*~*~

Comment from Mav:

Oh and you know what we both forgot to mention -- that Lee was impressed with the fact that you'd seen all the "Weird Science" episodes. I believe his exact words were, "A feat I myself have not completed." LOL. Or that he said the wrestling one was his favorite or his reaction when you mentioned "Funhouse of Death" being your favorite and I was like, nooooo not the clown, they scare me. And he looked all serious and said, "Clowns in general or just me as a clown?" LOL

~*~*~ 

Rami reminded me of something else from that night. Lee and L. started talking about Star Trek for some reason and they got onto "Star Trek II: the Wrath of Khan," and Lee noted that it was a takeoff on the episode Space Seed. He knew the name without even thinking. He’s a totally Trek geek!  

~*~*~ 

For an account of the evening from Diane's perspective, click here!

For a gallery of the evening's events, click here!

Meeting One
March 19, 2002

Meeting Two
May 19, 2002

Meeting Three
October 7, 2002

Meeting Four
December 7, 2002

Meeting Five
January 28, 2003

Meeting Six
August 31, 2003

Meeting Seven
November 13, 2004

Meeting Eight
January 7, 2005

Meeting Nine
May 31, 2008

Meeting Ten
May 2, 2010

Meeting 11
Dec. 4, 2010

Meeting 12
Nov. 23, 2011

Meeting 13
June 9, 2012

Meeting 14
Aug. 17, 2013

Meeting 15
June 14, 2015

Meeting 16
October 15, 2017

Meeting 17
June 8, 2019